AMANDA PALMER – You May Kiss The Bride

Hitler and
Napoleon
Fought thirty years
To have her hand

Bitter ends
Thy will be damned
Disney magic
Kingdom come

After all we’ve won, is this
The state we are reduced to?
It might make you sick at first
It takes some getting used to

Her nails are polished
But her hands are tied

You make us thrive

Court
Is on
The secret show
The [?]

And when we bomb
The foreign towns
Will she smile
Upside down?

Walk her through an aisle soon
With cigarettes and needles
In the face of this devotion
We are merely equals

Take her in your
Arm like cyanide
A long black car
Is parked outside

To take away the bride

A tisket, a tasket
A green and yellow basket
A tisket, a tasket
A green and yellow basket

Attract it, attack it
Strike first and ask it after
Attract it, attack it
Strike first and ask it after

In the ruins
Of this brave new
World we have
Uncovered

Remains the vestige
Of the bride
Who stared aghast
And wondered

Who’d have thought
We’d lose this easy fight
It seems she’s sleeping
But her eyes are wide

Won’t someone wake the bride?

AMANDA PALMER – What’s The Use Of Wond’rin’?

What’s the use of wond’rin’
If he’s good or if he’s bad
Or if you like the way he wears his hat

Oh, what’s the use of wond’rin’
If he’s good or if he’s bad
He’s your fella and you love him
That’s all there is to that

Common sense may tell you
That the ending will be sad
And now’s the time to break and run away
But what’s the use of wond’rin’
If the ending will be sad
He’s your fella and you love him
There’s nothing more to say

Something made him the way that he is
Whether he’s false or true
And something gave him
The things that are his
One of those things is you

So when he wants your kisses
You will give them to the lad
And anywhere he leads you, you will walk
And any time he needs you
You’ll go running there like mad

You’re his girl and he’s your fella
And all the rest is talk

AMANDA PALMER – We’re Happy Little Vegemites

We’re happy little Vegemites
As bright as bright can be
We all enjoy our Vegemite
For breakfast, lunch, and tea
Our mummies say we’re growing stronger
Every single week
Because we love our Vegemite
We all adore our Vegemite
It puts a rose in every cheek

AMANDA PALMER – Want It Back

Hearts on a string
Like an older-fashioned phone-can
Bang, ringy-ring
And you think
You’re gonna get some thing you can bring to a party at your wake
Not thinking of the thing that you pay back when you take it
Take it

Like rats in a cage pushed the button
Got the shock trick snickers in your bag
Had your number, but I lost it
Bets are all off, you’re a lily-livered giver
Indie in the hidden costs, you’re a sucker and you win

It doesn’t matter if you want it back
You’ve given it away
You’ve given it away
It doesn’t matter if you want it back
You’ve given it away, away, away, away, away, away, oh

He’s already on the outskirts
I’m still pulling at his sweatshirt
He says fate is not a factor
I’m in love with every actor

So

Once when you’re gone, and I wanna do it backwards
Just like the song, we’re addicted to the L word
Up past your head, down your back
Around your ankles, ready for attack
You’re upstaged
And then you’re strangled

Cringe like you’re cursed with your wrecking ball-y necklace
I saw it first, and I crushed it with my ham fist
High for the contest, who’s the better
Not see eye to eye to eye
And now you’re blind, and you can’t catch me
Catch me if you can

(He’s already on the outskirts)
If you can
(I’m still pulling on his sweatshirt)
If you can
(He says fate is not a factor)
If you can
(I’m in love with every actor)

It doesn’t matter if you want it back
You’ve given it away
You’ve given it away
It doesn’t matter if you want it back
You’ve given it away
You’ve given it away

He’s already on the outskirts
I’m still pulling at his sweatshirt
He says fate is not a factor
I’m in love with every actor

I will let you go if you will let some
I will let you go if you will let somebody
I will let you go if you will let somebody love you
I will let you go if you will let somebody love you like
I will let you go if you will let somebody love you like I do

AMANDA PALMER – Video Games

Swinging in the backyard
Pull up in your fast car
Whistling my name
Open up a beer
And you say, Get over here
And play a video game

I’m in his favourite sun dress
Watching me get undressed
Take that body downtown
I say you the bestest
Lean in for a big kiss
Put his favourite perfume on
Go play a video game

It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It’s better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Singing in the old bars
Swinging with the old stars
Living for the fame
Kissing in the blue dark
Playing pool and wild darts
Video games

He holds me in his big arms
Drunk and I am seeing stars
This is all I think of
Watching all our friends fall
In and out of Old Paul’s
This is my idea of fun
Playing video games

It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It’s better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Now you do, now you do, now you do
Now you do, now you do, now you do

It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you want to do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It’s better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Now you do, now you do, now you do
Now you do
Now you do, now you do, now you do

AMANDA PALMER – Vegemite (The Black Death)

You tell me that you love me when I’m lying by your side
You tell me that I am the only one who understands your troubled mind
That I am blind to any evil you can do
And that I love you more than any other girl could ever do

You love the things that I love: you love art and you love books
And you love love as much as I do and you love my dirty looks
And you love me right now
So how can you love… Vegemite?

It tastes like sadness
It tastes like batteries
It tastes like asses
I cannot hold a man so close who spreads this cancer on his toast
It is the Vegemite, my darling, or it’s me
You have to make a fucking choice
I cannot sit with you at breakfast
The very smell of it obliterates my senses
And if that weren’t bad enough you also eat the shit for lunch
Which means we can’t spend any time together
What kind of relationship is that?
The choice is yours, my heart is in your hands…
Please wash your hands
You just ate Vegemite for lunch you selfish bastard

It’s all about you, isn’t it?
It’s just take, take, take, take
What about me? What about my feelings?
I’m sorry

I had this really awful experience when I was six years old
And our British next door neighbor, Christopher Gill, he was babysitting us
And he made me eat an entire spoonful of Marmite
Which is just like Vegemite pretty much except it’s even grosser
He made me eat it by telling me it was chocolate fudge
And so I swallowed the whole thing and then I had to go to the bathroom and throw up
And it really traumatized me and I’m sorry I got so emotional, I just…

I love you, and no matter what you eat
I’ll always love you completely
I might just always leave the room at meal times
Or refuse to kiss or touch you for a week
If you insist on putting that foul death paste in your mouth
You’re in my heart, but put yourself inside my shoes
I have to know, it shouldn’t be too hard to choose
I know it’s tearing you apart, but it’s the way it has to be
It is the Vegemite, my darling
It is the Vegemite, my darling
Put down the Vegemite, you fucker, or I’ll leave

AMANDA PALMER – Trout Heart Replica

They’ve been circling
They’ve been circling
Since the day they were born

It’s disturbing
How they’re circling
Fifty feet from the pond

Pretty often
Pretty often
I don’t want to be told

It’s a problem
It’s a problem
It’s a problem I know
And I won’t keep what I can’t catch in my bare hands without a net
It’s hard enough to walk on grass so conscious of the consequences

They’ve been jerking
They’ve been jerking
In a pail by the dock

I know that oxygen might
Make them blossom and die
But I’m not going to talk

Feed them details
Feed them emails
They’ll eventually grow

But it’s not working
It’s not working
Not as far as I know

And killing things is not so hard it’s hurting that’s the hardest part
And when the wizard gets to me I’m asking for a smaller heart

And I got you
I thought that I got you
now I’ll ruin it all

Feeling helpless
Acting selfish
Being human and all

And they’re jumping
And they’re jumping
But they’ll never get out

Just keep touring
Just keep on ignoring
Be a good little trout

And the butcher stops and winds his watch and lays their lives down on the block
He raises up his hatchet and the big hand strikes a compromise

Wait, we’ll trade you
Wait

Please just one more day
And then we’ll go with no complaining
No complaining
No complaining
No complaining
Stop
Come

And they’re cutting
And they’re cutting
And I think that I know
And they’re gutting
And they’re gutting
And I think that I know
And it’s beating
Look, it’s beating
And I don’t want to know
And it’s beating
Look, it’s still beating
God, I don’t want to know

And killing things is not so hard
It’s hurting that’s the hardest part
And when the wizard gets to me
I’m asking for a smaller heart
And if he tells me “no”
I’ll hold my breath until I hit the floor
Eventually I’m know I’m doomed
To get what I am asking for

Now my heart is exactly the size
Of a six-sided die cut in half
Made of ruby red stained glass

Can I knock you unconscious as long as I promise
I’ll love you and I’ll make you laugh?
Now my heart is exactly the size
Of a six-sided die cut in half
Made of ruby red stained glass
Can I knock you unconscious as long as I promise
I’ll love you and I’ll make you laugh?

AMANDA PALMER – The Ship Song

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around

Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you come around

We talk about it all night long
We define our moral ground
But when I crawl into your arms
Everything comes tumbling down

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around

Your face has fallen sad now
For you know the time is nigh
When I must remove your wings
And you, you must try to fly

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around

Come loose your dogs upon me
And let your hair hang down
You are a little mystery to me
Every time you come around

Come sail your ships around me
And burn your bridges down
We make a little history, baby
Every time you come around

AMANDA PALMER – The Living Room

Forty-seven strings are pulled
By this angelic “beating” girl
And it breaks our hearts to hear
The music that comes out of her.
Shoulders hang on folded chairs
This will be our church tonight
We have dug out foxholes here
Not an atheist in sight.
Laughing shaking taking oaths
Breaking sacramental cups
We pour the magic in our coats
Thinking it can leave with us.

But it’s the wrong way out
20 steps but it’s so harming
When they talk out loud
Bend to brace your fingers on me

I’ve been breathing evil air
Sharing needles with the sky
Looking up remembering
Regina said they’re just old light.
But you somehow understood
My oversaturated skin
You held your hand up to my neck
And played me like a theremin
I see London I see France
And all the things that we won’t do
And if I never leave this chair
Maybe I can go with you.

But it’s a long way out
20 steps but it’s so harming
When they talk out loud
Bend to brace your fingers on me
It’s a long way out
Past the bar and past the awning
Past the easy crowd
Back into the end

We have found our solace here
In this unexpected place
Like a startled, dying man
Kneels in prayer just in case
And while the night sky sadly lit
All that you were sleeping through
Death took my friend Benjamin
But he left his keys with you
So I’ll kiss the air instead
As not to disturb your sleep
And if you never wake my love
Maybe you can come with me

But it’s a long way out
Twenty steps but its so harming
When they talk out loud
Bend to brace your fingers on me
It’s a long way out
Past the bar and past the awning
Past the easy crowd
Back into the end of harmony
Back into the end of harmony
Back into the end of harmony
Back into the end

AMANDA PALMER – The Killing Type

I wouldn’t kill to win a war
I don’t get what they do it for
It’s all so terribly vague
I see the pictures from a thousand years of battle
And I think it’s such a bore

I walk New Orleans with a knife
Like Mackie hidden out of sight
But I’d be useless if they jumped
I’m really not the killing type
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I’m not the killing type
I’m not the killing type
I’m not, I’m not
I’m not the killing type, I’m not

I’ve got a picture of your mum
Before the war when she was young
She’s got an etching to her right
I think it’s funny that she’s looking to the left
And it’s her son

I wouldn’t kill to get you back
And I’ve officially been asked
I couldn’t kill to save a life
I’d rather a die a peaceful piece of shit-bait
Shame-filled coward
Thanks

I’m not the killing type
I’m not the killing type
I’m not, I’m not
I’m not the killing type, I’m not

But I would kill to make you feel
I don’t mean kill someone for real
I couldn’t do that, it is wrong
But I can say it in a song, a song, a song

And I’m saying it now
I’m saying it so
Even if you never hear this song
Somebody else would know
I’m saying it now
I’m saying it so
Even if you never hear this song
Somebody else will know, know, know, know

I just can’t explain how good it feels
I just can’t explain how good it feels
I just can’t explain how good it feels
I just can’t describe

I once stepped on a dying bird
It was a mercy killing
I couldn’t sleep for a week
I kept feeling its breaking bones

I heard that if you see a star at night
And the conditions are just right
And you are standing on a cliff
Then you can close your eyes
And make a wish and take a step
And change somebody’s life

I’m not the killing type
I’m not the killing type
I’m not, I’m not
I’m not the killing type, I’m not

But I would kill to make you feel
I’d kill to move your face an inch
I see you staring into space
I wanna stick my fist into your mouth
And twist your Arctic heart

Yes, I would kill to make you feel
I don’t mean kill someone for real
I couldn’t do that, it is wrong
But I can say it in a song, a song, a song

And I’m saying it now
I’m saying it so
Even if you never hear this song
Somebody else would know
I’m saying it now
I’m saying it so
Even if you never hear this song
Somebody else will know, know, know, know

I just can’t explain how good it feels
I just can’t explain how good it feels
I just can’t explain how good it feels
I just can’t describe-ibe-ibe-ibe
Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
I’m not the killing type

AMANDA PALMER – The Bed Song

Exhibit A
We are friends in a sleeping bag splitting the heat
We have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair
Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at
And people are drinking
And singing Van Halen and Slayer on a ukulele tear

Exhibit B
Well, we found an apartment
It’s not much to look at
A futon on a floor
Torn-off desktop for a door
All the decor’s made of milk crates and duct tape
And if we have sex
They can hear us through the floor
But we don’t do that anymore

And I lay there wondering, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You took the blanket, so I took the bedsheet
But I would have held you if you’d only

Let me

Exhibit C
Look how quaint
And how quiet and private
Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town
It’s the nicest flat around
You picked a mattress and had it delivered
And I walked upstairs
And the sight of it made my heart pound
And I wrapped my arms around me

And I stood there wondering, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You walked right past me and straightened the covers
But I would still love you if you wanted a lover
And you said
All the money in the world
Won’t buy a bed so big and wide
To guarantee that you won’t accidentally touch me
In the night

Exhibit D
Now we’re both mostly paralyzed
Don’t know how long we’ve been lying here in fear
Too afraid to even feel
I find my glasses and you turn the light out
Roll off on your side
Like you’ve rolled away for years
Holding back those king-size tears

And I still don’t ask you, what is the matter?
Is this a matter of worse or of better?
You take the heart failure
I’ll take the cancer
I’ve long stopped wondering why you don’t answer

Exhibit E
You can certainly see how fulfilling a life
From the cost and size of stone of our final resting home
We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree
You and me lying the only way we know
Side by side and still and cold

And I finally ask you, what was the matter?
Was it a matter of worse or of better?
You stretch your arms out and finally face me
You say I would have told you

If you’d only asked me
If you’d only asked me
If you’d only asked me

AMANDA PALMER – Strength Through Music

Locked in his bedroom
he saw the world
a web of answers
and cumshot girls

tick tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick tick

don’t bother blaming
his games and guns
he’s only playing
and boys just want to have fun

he picked a soundtrack
and packed his bag
he hung his walkman
around his neck

tick tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick tick

it’s so simple
the way they fall
no cry, no whimper
no sound at all

tick tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick tick
tick tick tick tick
boom

AMANDA PALMER – Straight

There is a boy in a band
Who is friends
With my French teacher’s stepson
Sebastian
A very nice gentleman

He seems to know me
But I can’t remember him
Good god forgive me
I’m out of my element

And I can’t seem to keep them all straight
I’ve forgotten which people I like
And which people I hate
And I’m waiting for someone to shake me and say
Hey bitch
Your wish is my command
Just smile and nod
We’ll under-
Standing in front of the sink
I’m pretending to wink
At pretend paparazzi
Who hide in the chemicals

From every locket
Behind every curtain
Their lenses ensure that I look lost in thought,
Yet approachable

But I can’t seem to keep them all straight
I’ve forgotten which ones I should skip
And which ones I should take
And I’m waiting for someone to shake me and say
Hey bitch
Don’t quit
You’re almost dead
Don’t give up now
Make friends instead of going out
Go home
Instead of getting dressed go back to bed

There is a voice on the phone
Who’s convinced I’m alone
And I’ve called because I’m greedy
And looking for sympathy

He seems to like me
But I can’t relate
I would like to get closer
But christ all the time it takes

And I can’t seem to keep myself straight
I’ve forgotten which habits to hide
And which habits to fake
And I’m waiting for someone to shake me and say
Hey bitch
Nice tits
You’re broke but then
You’re rich in love
You’re great in bed
You’ll see the world
You’ll knock ‘em dead
And all the thick books that you’ve read
Will count for nothing in the end

AMANDA PALMER – Smile (Pictures Or It Didn’t Happen)

Smile
You can forget about your life
Smile
You can forget about your life
The truth will follow you
The truth will follow you
The proof will swallow you up
Holy shit, you got some action
Pictures or it didn’t happen

Smile, smile
Your teeth are broke
And it’s all right
Smile, smile
Your teeth are broke
And it’s all right
They’ll break the best of you
They’ll break the best of you
It makes you beautiful
So fists into the lips of fashion
Pictures or it didn’t happen

I had such an awful dream
Last night
Everybody’s faces were too tight
Please don’t leave me
In this nightless light
God, I’m gonna miss you when you
Smile
The end is near
And it’s high time
Smile, smile, smile
The end is near
And it’s high time
The light’s amazing, man
So time your Instagram
The rapture
Swallowing the land
But we’re the last ones laughing
Pictures or it didn’t happen
(Get it ’cause we’ll all be dead
And no one dead can use a camera)

I had such an awful dream last night
Everybody’s faces
Went all white
Everybody in the world
Was either
Getting killed or getting footage of the killing
That they sent to surgeons working in the sky

I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna go to
I don’t wanna go to Cali
I don’t wanna go to California

I don’t want to die
I don’t want to die
I don’t want to die

AMANDA PALMER – Runs In The Family

My friend has problems with winter and autumn
They give him prescriptions,
They shine bright lights on him
They say it’s genetic,
They say he can’t help it
They say you can catch it
But sometimes you’re born with it

My friend has blight
he gets shakes in the night
And they say there is no way
That they could have caught it in
Time takes its toll on him, it is traditional
It is inherited predisposition

All day I’ve been wondering
What is inside of me,
Who can I blame for it?

I say
It runs in the family,
this famine that carries me
To such great lengths
To open my legs
Up to anyone who’ll have me
It runs in the family,
I come by it honestly
Do what you want
‘Cause who knows
It might fill me up [echoes]
Fill me up [echoes]

My friend’s depressed,
She’s a wreck, she’s a mess
They’ve done all sorts of tests and
They guess it has something to do
With her grandmother’s grandfather’s grandmother
Civil war soldiers who
Badly infected her

My friend has maladies, rickets, and allergies
That she dates back to the 17th century
Somehow she manages, in her misery -
Strips in the city
And shares all her best tricks with

Me?
Well, I’m well.
Well, I mean I’m in hell.
Well, I still have my health
(At least that’s what they tell me)
If wellness is this, what in hell’s name is sickness?
But business is business!

And business
Runs in the family, we tend to bruise easily
Bad in the blood, I’m telling you ’cause
I just want you to know me
Know me and my family
We’re wonderful folks but
Don’t get too close to me
‘Cause you might knock me up [echoes]
Knock me up [echoes]

Mary have mercy.
Now look what I’ve done
But don’t blame me because
I can’t help where I come from
And running is something that we’ve always done
Well and mostly I can’t even tell what I’m running from

Run from their pity
From responsibility
Run from the country
And run from the city

I can run from the law
I can run from myself
I can run for my life
I can run into debt

I can run from it all
I can run till I’m gone
I can run for the office
And run from the ’cause

I can run using every
Last ounce of energy
I cannot
I cannot

I cannot
Run from my family
They’re hiding inside me
Corpses on ice
Come in if you’d like
But just don’t tell my family
They’d never forgive me
They say that I’m crazy
But they would say anything
If it would shut me up
Shut me up

Shut me up [echoes]
Shut me up [echoes]

AMANDA PALMER – On An Unknown Beach

I’m a pale intruder on an unknown beach, my back to the water, my feet in the sand.

Finding no recognition as each sign of life invades the precision of this aging land.

An abandoned flipper in a world of storms.

There’s a man on the shoreline with a white parakeet trying to make his bird go home.

With increasing continuity endless space gazes ’round the periphery not disheartened, wearing it’s most inexpressible face.

My instinct is double as the waves roll by, but my vision is halved and the foam in the green as the insects talk to the blazing sky.

Wax in the ear, stitch in the side, wolves are feast for the blind, under and over, the why and the wherefore;
easy to sit back with time, driving discussions like cranes through the car park setting them all in a line.

All interceding, not yet proceeding misleading doubts in the mind.

I’m a pale intruder on an unknown beach, my back to the water, my feet in the sand.

Needing no recognition as each sign of life invades the precision of this aging land.

AMANDA PALMER – Olly Olly Oxen Free

So
You wanted
That’s what you get for wanting

You got it
That’s what you get for getting

Forgotten
You’re gardening a rotting bed
Of raygun-era icons
So
Let’s start it
Let’s start it
From the minute you felt it
You felt it like a prison

A panic, you felt it
Like that coffee scene
From Moscow on the Hudson
So
…Be honest
It’s not as if you’re happy about it
It’s not as if you’re animatronic
It’s not as if you couldn’t
Cry out any time you wanted

Olly olly oxen free
All the people you will never be
Olly olly oxen free
Olly olly olly olly
Olly olly olly olly

Fate

You call it
You color it
The color you want it
You carpet it

That’s awful convenient
You paint yourself a nice white room
With stripes and matching curtains
So

You forfeit
You cannot build a river across it
You cannot hold your own heart hostage
You do not have the strength
To gag yourself in every closet

The wrong place, wrong mind
Timing’s always bad
You’re such a sad case
Misplaced renaissance
Inventor of a worldwide

Heartbreak, taking it in stride
‘Cause you’re an expert
Aren’t you?
Aren’t you just a dime a dozen?
Murderous monosyllabic moron
With no sense of purpose

Working on your songs all night
To justify your worthlessness

To anyone who’s watching
If they only saw your alter egos

Pretty in the shop windows
Where you got auctioned hours ago

Olly olly oxen free
All the people you will never be
Olly olly oxen free
olly olly olly olly
Higher than the king can

See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key
See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key away
Throw the key away

So

It’s over
You’re lying in a coffin of clutter
Your father and your sister, your drummer
Are sorting through your Soft Cell tapes
And lifesaver collection, and you wonder
You wonder if you could’ve done better
You wonder if you should’ve surrendered
Before you learned that
Nobody actually wants a fucking martyr

Didn’t you, didn’t you, didn’t
Didn’t you see?
Didn’t you, didn’t you, didn’t
Didn’t you see?
Didn’t you, didn’t you, didn’t
Didn’t you see me?
Didn’t you, didn’t you, didn’t
Didn’t you see me?

Olly olly oxen free
All the people you will never be
Olly olly oxen free
olly olly olly olly
Higher than the king can

See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key
See no evil, hear no evil
Capture me and throw the key away
Throw the key away
Throw the key away

AMANDA PALMER – Oasis

When I got to the party, they gave me a forty
And I must have been thirsty ’cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom, there was somebody waiting
And it isn’t my fault that the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested, I brought along my best friend
Melissa Mahoney (who had once been molested)
And she knew how to get there, she knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly but the test came up positive, uh-oh

I’ve seen better days but I don’t care
Oh I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour before the appointment
And outside the building were all these annoying
Fundamentalist Christians; we tried to ignore them, oh-oh

I’ve had better days but I don’t care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over, the word was all over
That I was a crack whore – Melissa had told them
And now we’re not talking, except we have tickets
To see Blur in October and I think we’re still going, oh-oh

I’ve seen better days but I don’t care
Oh I just got a letter in the mail
Oasis sent a photograph it’s autographed and everything
Melissa’s gonna wet herself I swear

AMANDA PALMER – Not Mine

Everyone says it’ll laugh like you
Everyone says it’ll get your smile
But I’m the only one that knows
You never loved me, baby
Not a single solitary time
Not a single solitary time

And everyone says it’ll get your temper
Everyone says it’ll get your eyes
‘Cause I’m the only one who knows
Where you were sleeping, baby
And I really wouldn’t be surprised

Everybody tells me that I’m crazy
Saying I’m too young to have a baby
But maybe the joke’s on you this time
Yeah, maybe the joke’s on you this time

Everyone will say that I’m a liar
And every day the swallowing gets tighter
But keeping this a secret has been murder
And I’d like to get on with my life
I’d like to get on with my life

Everyone says it’ll laugh like you
Everyone says it’ll have your smile
But I don’t even know if you’re the father
But there isn’t any way it’s mine

AMANDA PALMER – New Zealand

New Zealand, New Zealand,
You caught me on an awful day,
My little life is all fucked up,
My psyche is in disarray.

New Zealand, New Zealand,
I wish I could enjoy you more,
I wish I had more time to see,
Your cliffsides and your blackened shores.

New Zealand, New Zealand,
I don’t know why I tour this way,
Trapped inside an aeroplane,
And twittering the scenery.

New Zealand, New Zealand,
I feel like shit, what can I say?
My period is six days late,
My pubic hair is turning grey,

But I don’t believe in the beauty standard,
And there’s no way that I’m pregnant,
So it’s technically okay.

Everything is so beautiful here,
The people on Cuba Street drinking their beer,
I wish I could stay here and never go home,
I wish I could be just like Holly Hunter in ‘the Piano’,
And not have to talk to anyone,
Even though there’s technically nothing wrong with my voice,
And just play piano and make love to hot local boys.

New Zealand, New Zealand,
You caught me at the end of tour,
My willpower’s collapsing,
And I cannot do this anymore.

New Zealand, New Zealand,
My song is coming to an end,
I hope you have enjoyed it,
And I hope I get my period.

I also hope I haven’t grossed you out,
But that’s what you get,
When you ask me to write a song about your country in twenty minutes.