TENACIOUS D – Wonderboy

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds,
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly.
Not much to say when you’re high above the mucky-muck.
Yeah, yeah.
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won’t you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[spoken]
Now it’s time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman,
archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy, with powers comparable to Wonderboy.
What powers you ask? I dunno how ’bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That’s levitation, holmes.
How ’bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away…
with mind bullets! That’s telekinesis, Kyle.
How ’bout the power to move you?

[sung]
History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman,
Riggah-goo-goo, riggah-goo-goo.
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow!
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won’t you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?

[spoken]
Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces;
they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen,
and they called themselves Tenacious D. That’s right,
[sung]
Me! And KG!
[KG (spoken):] That’s me.
[sung]
We’re now Tenacious D!
Come fly with me, fly!

Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won’t you take me far away from the mucky-muck man,
Oh!
[spoken]
Take my hand!
Young Nastyman, and we’ll fly!
Bring out your broadsword.
There’s the hydra.
Slice his throat!
And grab his scroat.
You take the high road,
I’ll take the low.
There, the crevasse,
Fill it with your mighty juice.

TENACIOUS D – Tribute

[Spoken]
This is the greatest and best song in the world… Tribute.

Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin’ down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon… in the middle… of the road.
And he said:
[Sung]
“Play the best song in the world, or I’ll eat your soul.” (soul)
[Spoken]
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said… “Okay.”
[Sung]
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.

Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow…

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: “(snort) Be you angels?”
And we said, “Nay. We are but men.”
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn’t remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin’ song the greatest song in the world.
[2-part skat]
[Spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn’t actually sound
anything like this song.
[Sung]
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin’,
So surprised to find you can’t stop it.
[Skat]
All right! All right!

TENACIOUS D – To Be The Best

To be the best, we gotta pass the test
We gotta make it all the way
To the top of the mountain!
We can do it again!

To feel the high, we got to learn to fly
We got to take it to the sky
On the wings of an eagle!
You’re the best in the world!

You are the best, but you say you don’t know
You’ve got the touch, now come on let it show
You call the shots
But you know that you gots to believe in
The things that you dream in
You search for the meaning
Is very revealin’
The power of bein’
Is what you’re feelin’
You gotta believe!

That you’re simply the best!

TENACIOUS D – Throwdown

Moses came down from the hill
Holding the rules in his hand
Looked all around, suddenly found
No one was listenin’ now it’s time to throwdown

So throwdown
Yeah, throwdown
Well throwdown
Throwdown

Jesus turned water to wine
The star in the sky was a sign
They called him a liar, you’re not the Messiah
Get out of the temple now it’s time to throwdown

So throwdown
Yeah, throwdown
Well throwdown
Throwdown

And then came a man I can’t name
Because if I do, I’ll be maimed
They’ll chop off my head and then I’ll be dead
You know who I’m talkin’ about, it’s time to throwdown

So throwdown
Yeah, throwdown
Well throwdown
Throwdown

All religions of the world today
We’ve got to leave them alone
We’ve got to use our fuckin’ brains today
Before we’re gone, before we’re gone
Right now!

The three of them fought in the rain
The world was completely insane
Sound the alarms, nuclear bombs
You crazy motherfucker, now it’s time to throwdown!

So throwdown
Yeah, throwdown
Throwdown, yeah
Throwdown

TENACIOUS D – They Fucked Our Asses

They fucked our asses
They fucked ‘em hard
But we kept our indie cred
For the whole nine yards
Ha

They blocked our album
They fucked our show
But we marched through hill and ill
Through the ice and snow
Ha

TENACIOUS D РSe̱orita

Señorita, tasty mamacita
Tell me baby, what’s your name
Oh Conchita, won’t you have a seat-a
Tell me baby, who’s to blame?

I’ll fuckin’ kill the man who has done you wrong
My body’s shakin’ out of control

His name is Larry, oh he’s really scary
Drinkin’ at the fuckin’ bar
Tap his shoulder, muscles like a boulder
Tell him that’s he’s gone too far

He laughs and tells me to fuckin’ fuck myself
Now my blood is boilin’ over my soul
Hey!

[JB] I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that
Did you just tell me to fuckin’ fuck myself?

[Larry] Yeah

[JB] Well I’m telling you to step outside

[Larry] Oh really?

[JB] Yeah, we got some things to talk about
A little lady named Conchita

[Larry] Hey!

[JB] Yeah, you harmed her

[Larry] What? Who said? Who are you?

[JB] Yeah, fuck you you piece of shit

When my fist connects at Larry, falls down to the ground
I see he’s cut me with a bottle
My pistol rises, cause it’s time to double down
Larry runs, I chase him out full-throttle

Dónde estás mi horse? ¡Allí!
Dígame, ¿donde estas Larry? ¿Alli?
¿En las montañas? ¿Donde, en el cañon?
Muy bien, ¿Coldwater Cañon?
Andale, hey, ha, ha

[Larry]
Ah, te llamo mi Conchita
Yo tengo hambre para tu boca
Mira mi cara
Soy el fuego para tu beso
Mi amor

Watchin’ Larry in his sanctuary thinkin’ that he got away
With Conchita, oh my mamacita, kissing him upon the face
I fuckin’ rue the day that I fought for you
Now my mind is spinnin’ out of control

Ah I’m sorry mamacita
Oh my little señorita
I ¿? señorita

TENACIOUS D – Rock Your Socks Off

[Dave Grohl (spoken):] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-6-6!

[sung]
It doesn’t matter if it is good,
It only matters if it rocks.
The main thing that we do is to rock your socks off.
There’s no such thing as a rock prodigy,
‘Cause rock ‘n roll is bogus, right KG? (right!)
Only thing that really matters is a classical sauce.
And that’s why me and KG are classically trained
To rock your fuckin’ socks off!
Give ‘em a taste KG.
[KG (spoken):] Okay.

That is Bach and it rocks
It’s a rock block of Bach
That he learned in the school
Called the school of hard knocks!

Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock,
Give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We’ll rock your shit up y’all.
Give it up children now to freak your shit out!
All right!

[spoken]
Now I know what a lot of you are sayin’:
“I just figured out what I’m ‘onna do with the rest of my days.
I’m ‘onna get me an oversized guitar, gain forty pounds and be the next D.
” Well I got sour news for you, jack. It ain’t that easy.
For instance, are you willing to make the commitment to wakin’ up
at the crack a’ noon, for deep-knee rock squats!?
Seven or eight at a time!? In a row?
How ’bout are you willing to make the commitment
to rock-hard tasty abs washer-board style?
Glistening in the sun. How ’bout are you willin’ to make the commitment,
wakin’ up, goin’ okay, it’s gig time, what t-shirt am I gonna wear?
Can’t decide: Can’t decide: Brain aneurysm!
We’ve been through so much bullshit just to be here tonight
to rock your fuckin’ socks off. And all we ask in return is so precious little.
All we’re askin’ you to do is drop trou and squeeze out
a Cleveland Steamer on my chest.

[sung]
2-3-4,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock, give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We’ll rock your shit up y’all.
Give it up children won’t you freak your shit out!
All right!
[ad-lib hollers & screams]

TENACIOUS D – Rock Is Dead

Go

Rock is dead, rock is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Talk to my friend, that’s what he said
Is rock still around? No rock is dead
It’s all over, rock and roll is dead

Bottle of jack, Mercury Fred
Muscle car, Grateful Dead
Lord of the Rings, Zeppelin Led
Devil tattoo, Right Said Fred
It’s all over, rock and roll is dead

Take it Kones!

Started with blues, Belly of lead
Then there was Elvis, Nicky some red
Beatles arrive, started a trend
Axl Rose, give me some head
It’s all over, rock and roll is dead

Rock is dead, rock is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Get that freight train out of my head
Because a rock and a roll is a fuckin’ dead
It’s all over, rock and roll is dead
It’s all over, rock and roll is dead
It’s all over, rock and roll
Oh so baby now, rock and roll
R-r-r-r-r-rock and roll
Is dead

Woo

TENACIOUS D – Roadie

Well it’s 3pm, time to lug the gear
Gotta get it on the stage
My muscles flex, my fuckin’ sweat will save the day

When I check the mic, I fuckin’ check the mic
I fuckin’ checka-checka one, two, three
I plug it in, I make a sound as good as can be

Cause the rockers rock, but the roadies roll
Gotta take the mic because I take control
Gotta get that shit up on that fuckin’ stage

Because the roadie knows what the roadie knows
And the roadie knows that he wears black clothes
And he hides off in the shadows off the stage

Because the roadie
Looks a thousand miles with his eyes
And when the crowd roars
Brings a tear drop to the roadie’s eyes
Tears of pride

Because he brought you the show
But you will never know
He’s changing the strings
While hiding in the wings
No matter how hard, the show must go on

Then a beautiful girl come to me
She say, “Hey can I sucka your dick?”
I say, “Yays, I am in love”
Then she quickly say, “I sucked your dick
Now give me that backstage pass
I do not want you roadie, I want KG’s chode”

I’m standing at the threshold of your dreams
Without me there’d be no sound from those amps
Without me there’d be no lights on the stage
But you don’t applaud for me

No, I am the roadie!
Lonesome warrior searching for his soul
No, I am the roadie!
I make the rock go!

Roadie, roadie, roadie!

TENACIOUS D – Rize Of The Fenix

When “The Pick of Destiny” was released, it was a bomb
And all the critics said that The D was done
The sun had set and the chapter had closed
But one thing no one thought about was The D will rise again

Just like the phoenix,
We’ll fucking rise again!
That’s right the phoenix,
We’ll rise again!

Cause’ the fiery heart of a champion cannot be quelched
By a failure or an embarrassment, no way, no
And the critics all agreed it was a stinky pile of chee
But that does not mean that our hearts are not strong

Just like the phoenix,
We’ll fucking rise again!
That’s right the phoenix,
We’ll rise again!

Sun shining, it’s a Hell of a day
Riding back and it’s headed your way
D’s here, now we’re putting on a show
We’re sneaking up, climbing into your window

Out rocking, yea we’re rocking again
Black Mamba is my personal friend
Phil Jackson is the master of zen
We’ll pick you up, take you out on the weekend

It’s the rise of the phoenix,
It’s the call of attack
And you’ll know when you’ve seen us
The fucking D is back, ya’ll!

Lovemaking all the way to the top
Boots smoking, but I’m not gonna stop
Bossa Nova is a beautiful dance
Hot-blooded, that’s a lots of romance

It’s the rise of the phoenix,
And we ride with the pack
It’s the magic between us
The fucking D is back

But what if it’s true?
If Tenacious D has died, what will we do?
And what will we do,
About all the fans who have The D tattoo?
They’ll have them removed,
They’ll have to laser off their D tattoos
Tattoos..
They’ll have to laser off their D tattoos

[JB:] Wait a minute Kage.
[KG:] What’s that you say?
[JB:] You know it’s not too late.
[KG:] Yes, it is too late.
[JB:] We only need one hit.
[KG:] Just imagine it.
[JB:] We could be the shit!
[Both:] Too legit to quit!

One hit!
One hit!
One hit!
Yea, I’m hoping this is it
One hit!
Top 10 hit!
Top 40 hit!
Top 1,000 hit!

I don’t care,
As long as we get there!
We’ll start anew,
And you can get a new Tenacious D tattoo!

You can get a new Tenacious D tattoo!

TENACIOUS D – Rivers Of Brown

Rivers of brown
All flowin’ down
I like to say caca

Rivers of gold
Flowin’ from us all
I like to say Cuervo

Rivers of white
Blastin’ through the night
I like to say coco

Rivers of brown
Now they’re rainin’ down
On your phoney crown
Your phoney crown of brown
Fuck yeah yeah

I like to caca
And I like to pee pee

TENACIOUS D – Quantum Leap

Since the beginning of time
There had to be a man with a plan
To push man, forward
There was a caveman who, invented wheels
And with those wheels he pushed man forward

Someone had to come up with a new concept for life
Had to push the mighty rock upon the mountain top

Got to work it out
Got to think outside the box
You got to think outside the bun
If you want to be the magic one
Who will lead the trail, blaze the rail
Be the one that you will know must me
Genius

Everybody looks to the hero to lead the way, to change our way of life
To show us something that is meaningful, yeah
When you look to the hero you must seize the day and shine a ray of light
Gotta shine it on something that is beautiful, yeah
With the bravery to see, a new form of arts
A blazing of our consciousness, we’re talking quantum leap

When you think outside the bun,
It’s scary out there
There’s also lots of stinky poo
But sometimes when you go outside of your comfort zone
You might find something brand new
To help the humans leap
Forward, do a simple leap
Never be they same, they leap
Across the fucking annals of time
Quantum leap, leap

Einstein, Shakespeare, Leonard Nimoy, Doctor Drew
Bell Biv DeVoe, François Truffaut, Moses, Tenacious D

That’s a list of the people who have made the quantum leap
It gets pretty scary out there because they got to know themselves, yeah
When you look at the people who have made the quantum leap
You feel like a turd cause you haven’t accomplished anything yourselves, no
With the bravery to see, a new form of arts
A blazing of our consciousness, we’re talking quantum leap, leap, leap, leap
Sleep

TENACIOUS D – Low Hangin’ Fruit

Well, me and Kage are hungry
We’re hungry for some fruit
We wander through the garden
It would be a hoot

To eat some low hangin’ fruit
We’re on a freaky pursuit
Don’t want no high class model in designer fuckin’ bathing suit
We want the low hangin’ fruit

Me and Kage are horny
We’re lookin’ for a snack
Lookin’ for a plump one
With a tasty crack

We want some low hangin’ fruit
She wear the beekeeper suit
She got the shit-kickin’ boot
We need the low hangin’ fruit

She got the flip-flops on with hot red potatoes
And the butt-floss ‘long with fried green tomatoes
And she love that song we sing for the ladies
Come on! Oh my god!

Rip-snort and a flip-florp fiddly-fjorp…
[scat]

Low hangin’ fruit
She wears a pink parachute
She got the fly tattoo and the honky-tonky daisy dukes
We love the low hangin’ fruit

Because the high-class fruit is not gonna fuck me
But the low-class fruit is sweet chunky monkey
When you smoke that fruit, you smell like a skunky
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Tenth Avenue North – Losing

I can’t believe what she said
I can’t believe what he did
Oh, don’t they know it’s wrong
Don’t they know it’s wrong
Well maybe there’s something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It’s wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love or this is hate…
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father wont You forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

Well it’s only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that’s mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn’t feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it’s not that much
When I think of what You’ve done.

This is love or this is hate…
We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father won’t You forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

Why do we think that our hate’s gonna break a hard heart
We’re rippin arms over wars that don’t need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it’s just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and get them to stop
Well truth be told it doesn’t matter if their sorry or not
Cause freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’
I feel like I’ve been losing

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

TENACIOUS D – Kielbasa

[spoken]
[KG:] Dude, we gotta fuckin’ write something new. C’mon.
[strums]
[JB:] I don’t like that. So far ba–, off to a bad start.
[strums again]
[JB:] Better, closer, warmer.
[strums again]
[JB:] That’s it. Okay.

[sung]
I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!

I see you walkin’, but all I can think about is
Dianetics, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now I’ve been set loose-ah,
I’m shooting my juice-ah,
Right in your caboose.
Now fuckin’ get it on!
Now get it on.
Get it on!

Dianetics cure ya much better than Krishna,
Dianetics cure ya much better indeed,
And all you people here you’re tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you’re smokin’ up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!
Oh yeah,
All right! Oh my God!
All the ladies in the house say yeah (yeah),
C’mon, you muthafucka say a prayer (prayer),
When ya fight, ya gotsta fight fair,
You muthafucka, ho, you muthafucka,
You know what time it is?
Tenacious D time, you muthafucka, go!
Fuck yeah!
Yeah, yeah!

[spoken]
Dude, that was TNT.

TENACIOUS D – Karate

With karate I’ll kick your ass
Here to Tiennamen Square.
Oh yeah, muthafucka,
I’m ‘onna kick your fuckin’ derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I’ll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.

Kyle betrayed me
And then he lied tried to hide
And I died deep inside
And you know the reason why.

I’m ‘onna kick your ass
From here to right over there.
Oh yeah muthafucka,
I’m ‘onna kick your fuckin’ derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I’ll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.

TENACIOUS D – Fuck Her Gently

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don’t always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that’s not right to do
Sometimes you’ve got to make some love
And fucking give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you’ve got to say please
Sometime you’ve got to say hey
I’m gonna Fuck you softly
I’m gonna screw you gently
I’m gonna hump you sweetly
I’m gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That’s fucking teamwork
What’s your fave posish?
That’s cool with me
It’s not my favorite
But I’ll do it for you
What’s your favorite dish?
I’m not gonna cook it
But I’ll order it from Zanzibar
And then I’m gonna love you completely
And then I’ll fucking fuck you discreetly
And then I’ll fucking bone you completely
But then I’m gonna fuck you hard
Hard

TENACIOUS D – Friendship

Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I’m sayin’ to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don’t really care.
It’s rare to me, can’t you see?
It’s rare to me, can’t you see?

Oh shit there’s a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We’re fighting a bear
Now your life’s in grave danger
And you don’t even care.
It’s rare to me, can’t you see?
It’s rare to me, can’t you see?
It’s rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
‘Cause it’s rare to be
In Tenacious D.

Friends will be friends
They’re running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there’s-a-record-deal-we’ll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there’s-a-record-deal-we’ll-always-be-friends!

Friends will be friends
They’re running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there’s-a-record-deal-we’ll-always-be-friends!
Long as there’s a record deal we’ll always be friends, yeah

TENACIOUS D – Flutes And Trombones

[JB] Kage?

[KG] Wha? Hey, wh-what’s happenin’?

[JB] What are you doin’ here?

[KG] Oh I just, uh, I think I forgot somethin’
Just, ya know

[JB] Wait a second, it’s like 2am, in the middle of the night

[KG] Yeah?

[JB] And you’re here in the recording studio alone?

[KG] So?

[JB] So whattup? Explain yourself

[KG] I just had to, ya know, come back and uh…

[JB] What I-what’s that behind your back?

[KG] It’s just

[JB] Is that a flute?
Dude, are you comin’ in here at night with a fuckin’ flute
And layin’ down flute tracks?
You goddamn motherfuckin’ stupid piece of shit!

[KG] What’s behind your back?

[JB] What do you mean?

[KG] What’s behind your back?
What are you doing out here anyway?

[JB] What do you mean what am I doing here?
What are you doing here?

[KG] What? What are you doing here?
You’re on my shit about being here
What are you doing here?
What do you have behind your-that’s a trombone!

[JB] So what? I was gonna, lay down, fuck you!
I’ll fight you!

TENACIOUS D – Explosivo

Climb upon my faithful steed,
Then we gonna ride,
gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed,
And ride, ride, ride.

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What’s the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don’t know what it’s about,
But it’s good to go.
What’s the name of my girlfriend
I don’t know,
But she’s built like the shit
And she’s good to go, go,
She’s good to go,
She’s good to go.

We are fuelled by Satan,
Yes we’re schooled by Satan.
Fuelled by Satan!
Writin’ those tasty riffs
just as fast as we can.
Schooled by Satan!

We were the inventors
of the cosmic astral code.
We’ve come to blow you away,
We’ve come to blow your nose.
We’ve come to fuckin’ blow,
We’ve come to blow the show.
We’ve come to fuckin’ blow,
You know it, you know it!

Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What’s the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don’t know what it’s about
But it’s good to riddle-ah!

[spoken]
I am not one of you. I come from an ancient time.
I am known as The Kicker of Elves. I am also known as The Angel Crusher!

Explosivo.