70, Girls, 70 - The Elephant Song

Well, I think we ought to talk about death. Old people
do, you know, and so far we've avoided any mention of
it. So now I'd like to sing this death song. Don't
worry, it's not your ordinary death song. Lorraine...?

When a person dies, he's put in the ground
And his friends and relatives gather around
And he gets a little stone and he gets a little mound
Where the ivy likes to grow.
Tell me, how many graves have you seen so far?
When you're riding by in your motor-car,
You can spot where all dead people are,
But here is what I'm dying to know:

Where does an elephant go?
Where does an elephant go?
When an elephant gets so old and grey
That the poor thing's got to be put away,
Well, if somebody knows, won't somebody say
Where does an elephant go?
Where does an elephant go?
Now, when Hannibal's elephants made that track
Way over the Alps to the Roman sack,
Surely one of them had a heart attack,
Where did that elephant go?

When the Pharaohs roamed in a Biblical land
To keep those Nubians well in hand,
There were lots of elephants, I understand,
Everywhere you'd go.
There've been elephants came from Kipling's pen,
There've been elephants here since God knows when,
So a hell of a lot must have died since then,
And here is what I'm longing to know:

Where does an elephant go?
Where does an elephant go?
When a Pharaoh finally met his doom,
They would lay him out in a swanky tomb,
But an elephant takes so damn much room,
Where does an elephant go?

Listen, I'd like to tell you something that happened
to me once. Every day of my life, I used to go up to
the zoo, you know, in Central Park, and I especially
liked to feed this elephant. Oh, I'd buy salted
peanuts and things, and I'd feed her, and she was so
cute, and I really enjoyed it. And then one day I went
up there, and that elephant was missing. Missing!
Well, naturally I was so upset and nervous that I just
hollered out: "Mr. Billings! Mr. Billings!" -- he's
the zookeeper -- I said, "Mr. Billings, what's
happened to Patsy? Where is she?" Well, Mr. Billings
said, "Patsy died. She had a coronary thrombosis and
she's dead." I said, "Where did you take her? Where
did you put her? What did you have up here, the
Santini Brothers or something?" Well, suddenly Mr.
Billings got very busy. He had to run off and feed the
snakes and the hippopotami and everything, and there I
am, yelling after him: "Mr. Billings! Mr. Billings...

"Where did the elephant go?
Where did the elephant go?"
When the coffin's shut and the lid is firm,
A man's consigned to the pine and worm,
But what kind of box fits a pachyderm?
Where does an elephant go?
When an elephant sees his final dawn,
When an elephant's final breath is drawn,
It's a cinch there ain't no Forest Lawn --
Lorraine, think about that next time you're tickling
the ivories!
Where does an elephant --
Where does an elephant --
Where does an elephant --
Where does an elephant go?