70, Girls, 70 - See the Light

used to know a lady known as Emma Finch,
Emma Finch, Emma Finch,
She had a kleptomania that made her pinch
Any article she saw.
She liked to spend the afternoon at Bloomingdale's,
Bloomingdale's, Bloomingdale's,
But Emma's way of going to the bargain sales
Was a bit beyond the law.
Emma took along a shopping bag,
Emma took along a shopping list,
Emma thought whatever Bloomie's lost
Bloomie's never missed.
She couldn't see the light,
She wouldn't see the light,
Emma never knew wrong from right,
Which left her in the dark, unable to see the light.

Emma saw a poochie
And Emma cleared the bin,
Emma Finch walked out of Bloomie's
Weighing ten pounds more than when Emma walked in.
Emma, like a lemur,
Would tiptoe left to right.
Emma's one dilemma
Was the poor kid never could see the light.

But things are never easy when you're at the top,
At the top, at the top,
Emma got to thinking that she oughta stop,
Oughta check her goals again.
"This penny-ante pilfering is just a bore,
Such a bore, quite a bore,
I really think I oughta use my talents more."
So she started lifting men.
Emma took along a shopping bag,
Emma took along a shopping list,
Any man at all who wasn't hers
She could not resist.
She couldn't see the light,
She wouldn't see the light,
Emma never knew wrong from right,
Which left her in the dark, unable to see the light.

But one of Emma's fellas made her very blue,
Mighty blue, black and blue,
Later in the clinic where they brought her to,
She began to comprehend.
"I've been an awful sinner in the way I stole,
I mean the clothes I stole, and the men I stole.
The Devil's reaching out, about to take my soul,
I'd better make the Lord my friend."
Emma put away her shopping bag,
Emma got herself another plan,
Emma went and put the poochies back
And she returned that man.
She cried "I see the light!
Oh, yeah, I see the light!"
Emma figured out wrong from right,
Despite her swollen jaw, she finally saw the light!

And now on Thursday night,
Come down on Thursday night,
Her talks are dynamite,
Pray with Sister Emma, mister, and see the light!

70, Girls, 70 - The Caper

Now, S.S. is Sadie's Store
And S.F. is Sadie's Front
And S.B. is Sadie's Back
And O.S. Operational Site.
Now, T-1 is Telephone One,
Which is to the left in S.B.
And over here are 2 and 3,
Telephone Two and Telephone Three.
Now, Telephone Two and Telephone Three
Are over to the right in front of S.S.
And over to the left of the S.S. and the O.S.
See?
You see?
You do?
Let's review:
S.S., Sadie's Store,
S.B., Sadie's Back,
S.F., Sadie's Front,
O.S., Operational Site,
T-1, Telephone One,
T-2, Telephone Two,
T-3, Telephone Three.
Now, let's go on:

Now, R-1 is Rack One,
Which is to the right in S.F.
And R-2 is Rack Two,
Which is to the left in S.F.
According to Eunice, who is X,
Her O.C., Old Coat, hangs on R-2,
To be replaced by N.C., New Coat,
In the shopping bag, O.K.?
A will appear at 11:45
With B, that's Gert, and pass S.F.
If Sadie, S, is alone in S.F.,
Then they will wait till 11:48
When Harry, H, will telephone S
So that S will leave to answer T-1.
Fun?
You see?
You do?
Let's review:
S.S., Sadie's Store,
S.B., Sadie's Back,
S.F., Sadie's Front,
O.S., Operational Site,
T-1, Telephone One,
T-2, Telephone Two,
T-3, Telephone Three,
R-1, Rack One,
R-2, Rack Two,
O-C, Old Coat,
N-C, New Coat,
X, Eunice,
A, Ida,
B, Gert,
S, Sadie,
H, Harry.

Now, if at 11:45
When A and B pass S.F.,
They find a customer, that's C,
In S.F., then immediately
B will go to T-2
Or T-3 to telephone H
To hold the T-4, that's Telephone Four,
And wait at O.P., Operational Point,
Until S.S. is cleared, but A
Can telephone S to answer T-1
And they can proceed on the O.S.
With the caper on this diagram here.
Clear?
You see?
You do?
Let's review:
S.S., Sadie's Store,
S.B., Sadie's Back,
S.F., Sadie's Front,
O.S., Operational Site,
T-1, Telephone One,
T-2, Telephone Two,
T-3, Telephone Three,
R-1, Rack One,
R-2, Rack Two,
O-C, Old Coat,
N-C, New Coat,
X, Eunice,
A, Ida,
B, Gert,
S, Sadie,
H, Harry,
O.P, Operational Point,
T-4, Telephone Four.

So from this diagram right here,
That's the caper, is it clear?
Ready, gentlemen and ladies?
Here we go, on to Sadie's!

70, Girls, 70 - The Elephant Song

Well, I think we ought to talk about death. Old people
do, you know, and so far we've avoided any mention of
it. So now I'd like to sing this death song. Don't
worry, it's not your ordinary death song. Lorraine...?

When a person dies, he's put in the ground
And his friends and relatives gather around
And he gets a little stone and he gets a little mound
Where the ivy likes to grow.
Tell me, how many graves have you seen so far?
When you're riding by in your motor-car,
You can spot where all dead people are,
But here is what I'm dying to know:

Where does an elephant go?
Where does an elephant go?
When an elephant gets so old and grey
That the poor thing's got to be put away,
Well, if somebody knows, won't somebody say
Where does an elephant go?
Where does an elephant go?
Now, when Hannibal's elephants made that track
Way over the Alps to the Roman sack,
Surely one of them had a heart attack,
Where did that elephant go?

When the Pharaohs roamed in a Biblical land
To keep those Nubians well in hand,
There were lots of elephants, I understand,
Everywhere you'd go.
There've been elephants came from Kipling's pen,
There've been elephants here since God knows when,
So a hell of a lot must have died since then,
And here is what I'm longing to know:

Where does an elephant go?
Where does an elephant go?
When a Pharaoh finally met his doom,
They would lay him out in a swanky tomb,
But an elephant takes so damn much room,
Where does an elephant go?

Listen, I'd like to tell you something that happened
to me once. Every day of my life, I used to go up to
the zoo, you know, in Central Park, and I especially
liked to feed this elephant. Oh, I'd buy salted
peanuts and things, and I'd feed her, and she was so
cute, and I really enjoyed it. And then one day I went
up there, and that elephant was missing. Missing!
Well, naturally I was so upset and nervous that I just
hollered out: "Mr. Billings! Mr. Billings!" -- he's
the zookeeper -- I said, "Mr. Billings, what's
happened to Patsy? Where is she?" Well, Mr. Billings
said, "Patsy died. She had a coronary thrombosis and
she's dead." I said, "Where did you take her? Where
did you put her? What did you have up here, the
Santini Brothers or something?" Well, suddenly Mr.
Billings got very busy. He had to run off and feed the
snakes and the hippopotami and everything, and there I
am, yelling after him: "Mr. Billings! Mr. Billings...

"Where did the elephant go?
Where did the elephant go?"
When the coffin's shut and the lid is firm,
A man's consigned to the pine and worm,
But what kind of box fits a pachyderm?
Where does an elephant go?
When an elephant sees his final dawn,
When an elephant's final breath is drawn,
It's a cinch there ain't no Forest Lawn --
Lorraine, think about that next time you're tickling
the ivories!
Where does an elephant --
Where does an elephant --
Where does an elephant --
Where does an elephant go?

70, Girls, 70 - Yes

Say "Yes."
Life keeps happening every day,
Say "Yes."
When possibilities come your way,
You can't start wondering what to say
You never win if you never play --
Say "Yes."
There's mink and marigold right outside
And long white Cadillacs you can ride
But nothing's gained when there's nothing tried --
Say "Yes."
Don't say "Why,"
Say "Why not?"
What lies beyond what is,
Is not.
So what?
Say "Yes."
Yes, I can, yes, I will,
Yes, I'll take a sip, yes, I'll touch.
Yes, of course, yes, why not,
Yes, I'll happily, thank you very much,
Yes.
Come on, say yes.

There's lots of chaff but there's lots of wheat,
Say "Yes."
You might get mugged as you walk the street
But on the other hand you might greet
That handsome stranger you've longed to meet,
Say "Yes."
Don't say "Why,"
Say "Why not?"
What lies beyond what is,
Is not.
So what?
Say "Yes."
Yes, I'll walk, yes, I'll look,
Yes, I'd love to do such and such.
Yes, I'll fly,
Yes, I'll dare,
Yes, I'll try,
Yes, I'll care,
Yes, I'll happily, thank you very much,
Yes.
Oh, yes.

You can't look back on a chance that's lost,
Say "Yes."
The dice mean nothing unless they're tossed,
The throw is usually worth the cost,
The hope of summer denies the frost,
Say "Yes."
Yes, I am,
Yes, I'll be,
Yes, I'll go,
Oh,
Yes.

70, Girls, 70 - Old Folks

folks sit around
By the television set,
With a comforter,
Petulant as they can get,
Always grumbling
"Is the cocoa ready yet?"
Sad but true, folks,
That's what they do, folks.
Old folks don't go out;
Strangers make them ill at ease,
Old folks stay at home,
Nursing their infirmities,
Let the saucer down,
Time to feed the Siamese,
Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty....
And someday
When I'm a little bit older
It's conceivable I may
Be that way too.
Old folks letch a lot,
Though it doesn't mean a thing,
Yawn and stretch a lot,
Rolling on an inner spring,
Cough and kvetch a lot,
Sighing one perpetual sigh.
Go take a look at the old folks,
They're quite an int'resting sight.
But if you want to see old folks,
You're in the wrong hall tonight!

Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty....
And someday
When I'm a little bit older
It's conceivable I may
Be that way too.
Old folks rock a lot,
Cracking on an upper plate,
Interlock a lot
When they want to navigate,
Watch the clock a lot,
Moaning as the minutes go by.
Go take a look at the old folks,
They're quite an int'resting sight.
But if you want to see old folks,
You're in the wrong place --
Go call an usher --
You've caught the wrong cue --
We're very sorry --
You've met the wrong group --
Go get a refund --
You're in the wrong hall tonight!

70, Girls, 70 - Home

Home is where the heart is,
And I'm home.
I know where my heart is,
I came home.
I've found other faces,
I've filled other spaces,
But no other place is
Quite like home.
So I got a move on,
I came home.
Nothing can improve on
What's back home.
With friends that will need me
And love that will feed me
All paths seem to lead me
Home.

Home to me is pulled-up linoleum,
The creaking of the bannister,
The squeaking of the chair.
Home to me is trapped in the elevator,
Knocking on the radiator,
Tripping down the stair.
Try to get the curtain to go up,
Then try to get the window to go down,
Then try to get the super on the phone,
I've got another leak, oh,
But he's in Puerto Rico.

Home to me is pulled-up linoleum,
The creaking of the bannister,
The squeaking of the chair.
Home to me is trapped in the elevator,
Knocking on the radiator,
Tripping down the stair.
Try to get the curtain to go up,
Then try to get the window to go down,
Then try to get the super on the phone,
When you're in a frenzy,
Write to Mayor Lindsay.

So I got a move on,
I came home.
Nothing can improve on
What's back home.
With friends that will need me
And love that will feed me
All paths seem to lead me
Home.